Virus warning!!!!!!

Post by **ADF-MeSedUp** » Mon Jan 01, 2007 4:17 pm

Here are some viruses to look out for. Several new viruses have been discovered and are wreaking havoc though out the national system. Beware of . . .
THE CLINTON VIRUS . . . (Gives you a 6 Inch Hard Drive with NO memory)
THE BOB DOLE VIRUS . . . (Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy)
THE LEWINSKY VIRUS . . . (Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then Emails everyone about what it did)
THE MIKE TYSON VIRUS . . . (Quits after two bytes)
THE OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS . . . (Your 300mb hard drive shrinks to 100mb, then slowly expands to stabilize around 200mb)
THE JACK KAVORKIAN VIRUS . . .(Deletes all old files)
THE ELLEN DEGENERES VIRUS . . . (Disks can no longer be inserted)
THE PROZAC VIRUS . . . (Totally screws up your RAM, but your processor doesn't care)
THE JOEY BUTTAFUOCO VIRUS . . . (Only attacks minor files)
THE ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER VIRUS . . . (Terminates some files, leaves, but will be back)
AND THE FAVORITE . . .

THE LORENA BOBBITT VIRUS . . . (Reformats your hard drive into a 3.5 inch floppy then discards it through Windows)

Post by **ADF-Baby** » Mon Jan 01, 2007 4:38 pm

lol nice one cept the oprah one is incorect it starts out as a 300gig shrinks to 100 then swells back up to 350.

Post by **ADF-MeSedUp** » Mon Jan 01, 2007 4:40 pm

Some funnies about Condoms !
Imagine if all major retailers started making their own condoms and kept the same tag-line....
Sainsbury condoms - Making life taste better.
Tesco condoms - Every little helps.
Nike condoms - Just do it.
Peugeot condoms - The ride of your life.
Galaxy condoms - Why have rubber when you can have silk.
KFC condoms - Finger licking good.
Minstrels condoms - Melt in your mouth, not your hands.
Safeway condoms - Lightening the load.
Abby national condoms - Because life is complicated enough.
Coca Cola condoms - The real thing.
Ever ready condoms - Keeps going and going.
Pringles condoms - Once you pop, you can't stop.
Burger king condoms - Home of the whopper.
Goodyear condoms - For a longer ride go wide.
FCUK condoms - No comment required.
Muller light condoms - So much pleasure, but where's the pain.
Halfords condoms - We go the extra mile.
Royal mail condoms - I saw this and thought of you.
Andrex condoms - Soft, strong and very very long.
Renault condoms - Size really does matter.
Ronseal condoms - Does exactly what it says on the tin.
Ronseal quick-drying condoms - Its dry and waterproof in 30 minutes.
Domestos condoms - Gets right under the rim (please).
Heineken condoms - reaches parts that other condoms just cannot reach.
Carlsberg condoms - Proberly the best condoms in the world.
AA condoms - For the 4th emergency service.
Pepperami condoms - Its a bit of an animal.
Polo condoms - The condom with the hole.

Post by **ADF-MeSedUp** » Mon Jan 01, 2007 4:48 pm

Cant be bothered to make a new thread, so i'll spam this one a little

16 REASONS WHY ALCOHOL SHOULD BE SERVED AT WORK

1. It's an incentive to show up.
2. It leads to more honest communications.
3. Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear.
4. It encourages car pooling.
5. Increase job satisfaction because if you have a bad job, you don't care.
6. It eliminates holiday leave because people would rather come to work.
7. It makes fellow employees look better.
8. It makes the cafeteria food taste better.
9. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are plastered.
10.Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.
11.Employees work later since there's no longer a need to relax at the pub.
12. It makes everyone more open with their ideas.
13. Eliminates the need for employees to get drunk on their lunchbreak.
14. Increases the chance of seeing your boss (or employee naked).
15. Employees no longer need coffee to sober up.
16. Sitting "Bare Bum" on the copy machine will no longer be seen as "gross".

Post by **ADF-MeSedUp** » Mon Jan 01, 2007 6:58 pm

A little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?"
The father replied. "Well son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine"

Post by **ADF-MeSedUp** » Mon Jan 01, 2007 6:59 pm

Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder
1. All the DNA is the same
2. There are no dental records.

Post by **ADF-MeSedUp** » Mon Jan 01, 2007 7:00 pm

A man is recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him how he is feeling. "I'm O.K. but I didn't like the four-letter-word the doctor used in surgery," he answered.
"What did he say," asked the nurse."OOPS!"

Post by **ADF-MeSedUp** » Mon Jan 01, 2007 7:03 pm

Q. What's a mixed feeling?
A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

Q. What's the height of conceit?
A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.

Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball

Q.Why is divorce so expensive?
A. Because it's worth it.

Q. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common?
A. They both like a tight seal.

Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
A. It's not hard.

Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw.

Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45 pounds.

Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
A. The swallow.