A teacher asked little Johnny if he knows his 1 to 10 well
"Yes! Of course! My pop taught me...even more than 10"
"Good. What comes after three?”
"Four," answers the boy.
"What comes after six?"
"Seven."
"Very good," says the teacher. "Your erm...dad did a good job. Now...so what comes after...lets say ten?"
"A jack"
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Little Johnny's class were on an outing to their local police station where they saw pictures, of the ten most wanted men, tacked to a bulletin board. On the way out of the police station Little Johnny said to the officer, "it was so nice of you to put my daddy's picture up there."
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Johnny was standing and
staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church.
The young man of seven had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the
pastor walked up and stood beside him. Gazing up at the plaque, too, he
said quietly, "Good morning son."
"Good morning pastor" replied the young man, not taking his eyes off
the plaque. "Sir, what is this?" Johnny asked.
"Well son, these are all the people who have died in the service," replied the pastor. Soberly, they stood together staring up at the large plaque.
Little Johnny's voice barely broke the silence when he asked quietly,
"Which one sir, the 8:30 or the 10:30 service?"
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Little Johnny wasn't very good at spelling. During an oral
spelling exam, the teacher wrote the word "new" on the
blackboard. "Now," she asked Johnny, "what word would we
have if we placed a "K" in the front?"
After a moment's reflection, Johnny said, "Canoe?"
Little Johhny Jokes
teacher was singing in class" old macdonald had a farm e i e i o, and on that farm he had a cow" when she asked "children what sound does a cow make " and little sarah puts her hand up and says "mooooo" "correct " says the teacher and keeps on singing "old macdonald had a farm e i e i o, and on that farm he had a sheep" when she asked " shat sound does a sheepn make children" and little charlie raised his hand and said " baaaaaaah" "correct"says the children and keeps singing " old macdonald had a farm e i e i o, and on that farm he had a pig" when she asked"what sound does a pig make" and little johnnies hand shot up" aw pick me miss pick me" when te teacher said "yes little johnny " and johnny stood up and said" pigs go GET OUT OF THE CAR U BLACK CENSORED WITH UR HANDS ON UR HEADS"
One day the teacher wanted the class to use the word definitely in a sentence. Suzy raised her hand so she called on her.
She said, "The sky is definitely blue!"
"I'm sorry Suzy thats wrong the sky sometimes turns different colors red ,gray etc.. any body else?"
Timmy raised his hand and said, "The grass is definitely green."
"I'm sorry Timmy that's not true either, sometimes the grass dies and it may turn brown, anybody else?"
Little Johnny raises his hand and says, "Teacher do farts have lumps?"
The teacher says, "no why?"
Johnny says, "Then I definitely poop my pants!"
*****************************************************************
Little Johnny is in a class where every Friday the teacher asks a question, and if you get it right you don't have to go to school on Monday.
The fist friday the question was how many gallons of water are there in the whole world. No one knew so they all had to go to school on Monday.
Next Friday the question was how many grains of sand are there in the whole world. No one knew so they had to go to school on Monday.
By this time Little Johnny is getting mad because he doesn't want to go to school on Monday, so he paints two ping-pong balls black and the next Friday right before the teacher asked the question he rolled the two black ping-pong balls up to her and she said, "Who is the comedian with two black balls?"
Little Johnny said," Bill Cosby. See you on Tuesday."
**************************************************************
Little Johnny was just being potty trained and his mom tried this new method with 6 steps:
1. Unbutton pants
2. Pull pants down
3. Pull foreskin back
4. Pee
5. Push foreskin forward
6. Pull pants up and button up
She walked past the bathroom one day and heard Johnny going 1,2,3,4,5,6 and she was thinking she did good.
Then she walked past the next day and heard him saying real fast 3-5,3-5,3-5...
She said, "The sky is definitely blue!"
"I'm sorry Suzy thats wrong the sky sometimes turns different colors red ,gray etc.. any body else?"
Timmy raised his hand and said, "The grass is definitely green."
"I'm sorry Timmy that's not true either, sometimes the grass dies and it may turn brown, anybody else?"
Little Johnny raises his hand and says, "Teacher do farts have lumps?"
The teacher says, "no why?"
Johnny says, "Then I definitely poop my pants!"
*****************************************************************
Little Johnny is in a class where every Friday the teacher asks a question, and if you get it right you don't have to go to school on Monday.
The fist friday the question was how many gallons of water are there in the whole world. No one knew so they all had to go to school on Monday.
Next Friday the question was how many grains of sand are there in the whole world. No one knew so they had to go to school on Monday.
By this time Little Johnny is getting mad because he doesn't want to go to school on Monday, so he paints two ping-pong balls black and the next Friday right before the teacher asked the question he rolled the two black ping-pong balls up to her and she said, "Who is the comedian with two black balls?"
Little Johnny said," Bill Cosby. See you on Tuesday."
**************************************************************
Little Johnny was just being potty trained and his mom tried this new method with 6 steps:
1. Unbutton pants
2. Pull pants down
3. Pull foreskin back
4. Pee
5. Push foreskin forward
6. Pull pants up and button up
She walked past the bathroom one day and heard Johnny going 1,2,3,4,5,6 and she was thinking she did good.
Then she walked past the next day and heard him saying real fast 3-5,3-5,3-5...
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ADF-Matfei
- ADF Member
- Posts: 35
- Joined: Sun Nov 26, 2006 11:00 pm
- Location: Carrara, Gold Coast, QLD, Australia
Lol, theres a few pretty decent "Little Johnny" jokes in one of my brothers joke books... One of them went something like:
Little Johnny dashed into the kitchen from outside where he was playing with his friends
"mum, can little girls get pregnant?"
"no of course not, dont be silly"
"Oh ok - Hey guys we can keep playing that game!" Johnny called as he went back outside.
heheh, guess its so funny cause hes just a little tacka.
Little Johnny dashed into the kitchen from outside where he was playing with his friends
"mum, can little girls get pregnant?"
"no of course not, dont be silly"
"Oh ok - Hey guys we can keep playing that game!" Johnny called as he went back outside.
heheh, guess its so funny cause hes just a little tacka.
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ADF-Medic
- ADF-Team Admin
- Posts: 2800
- Joined: Fri May 12, 2006 12:00 am
- Location: Brisbane Q.L.D
- Contact:
The Birds and The Bees
Little Johnny's father asked him, "Do you know about the birds and the bees?"
"I don't want to know!" little Johnny said, bursting into tears.
Confused, the father asked little Johnny what was wrong.
"Oh dad," Little Johnny sobbed,![[smilie=azcrying[1].gif]](./images/smilies/azcrying%5B1%5D.gif "azcrying[1]")
"At age six I got the 'there's no Santa' speech. At age seven I got the 'there's no Easter bunny' speech. Then at age 8 you hit me with the 'there's no tooth fairy' speech! If you're going to tell me now that grown-ups don't really CENSORED, I've got nothing left to live for!"
![[smilie=laugh[2].gif]](./images/smilies/laugh%5B2%5D.gif "laugh[2]")
[smilie=laugh[2].gif] [smilie=laugh[2].gif] [smilie=laugh[2].gif] [smilie=laugh[2].gif]
Little Johnny's father asked him, "Do you know about the birds and the bees?"
"I don't want to know!" little Johnny said, bursting into tears.
Confused, the father asked little Johnny what was wrong.
"Oh dad," Little Johnny sobbed,
"At age six I got the 'there's no Santa' speech. At age seven I got the 'there's no Easter bunny' speech. Then at age 8 you hit me with the 'there's no tooth fairy' speech! If you're going to tell me now that grown-ups don't really CENSORED, I've got nothing left to live for!"
[smilie=laugh[2].gif] [smilie=laugh[2].gif] [smilie=laugh[2].gif] [smilie=laugh[2].gif]
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ADF-Azrael
- ADF Member
- Posts: 56
- Joined: Sun Sep 19, 2004 12:00 am
- Location: Grantham
this one is kinda like matfei's but better 
One day in class the teacher is talking about reproduction, and little Johhny puts his hand up and says teacher 'can my grandma have babies?' to which the teacher replies 'God no Johhny she is too old.' Then Johhny asks 'What about my mother?' The teacher replies 'I think she might be too old for that too Johhny.' and Johhny says 'Well what about someone my age?' To which the teacher replies 'God no you are too young' Then Johhny stands ap and say 'See Sally I told you there was nothign to worry about.'
One day in class the teacher is talking about reproduction, and little Johhny puts his hand up and says teacher 'can my grandma have babies?' to which the teacher replies 'God no Johhny she is too old.' Then Johhny asks 'What about my mother?' The teacher replies 'I think she might be too old for that too Johhny.' and Johhny says 'Well what about someone my age?' To which the teacher replies 'God no you are too young' Then Johhny stands ap and say 'See Sally I told you there was nothign to worry about.'
<img src="http://i28.tinypic.com/23m2eea.jpg">
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ADF-Azrael
- ADF Member
- Posts: 56
- Joined: Sun Sep 19, 2004 12:00 am
- Location: Grantham
here are some good ones 
One day Little Johnny came home from school and asked his mom what they were having for dinner.She said that it was a surprise and him and his brother would have to guess what it is after they try it.Well dinner time came and they started eating it,but they couldn't figure out what it was.So Little Johnny asked his mom for a hint.She said,"Okay,I'll give you a hint.I call your father this."Little Johnny said to his brother,"Quick Bobby, spit it out,its CENSORED!"
Little Johnny was starting his first day at a new school and his father called the teacher to tell her that little Johnny was a big gambler. She said that it was no problem and she has seen worse than that. After Little Johnny's first day at his new school his father called the teacher to see how it went. She said, "I think I broke his gambling". The father asked how and she said, "He bet me $5.00 that I had a mole on my butt, so I pulled down my pants and won his money." "DAMN!" said the father. "What's wrong?", the teacher asked. Little Johnny's father said, "This morning he bet me $100.00 he would see his teacher's butt before the day was over!"
One night, Little Johnny went to sleep and dreamt his Uncle Bill died. He woke up and that evening, his dad got a call saying that Uncle Bill died. The next night, Little Johnny went to sleep and dreamt his Aunt Joy died. He woke up, and then that evening, his dad got a call saying that Aunt Joy died. He told his daddy, "Two days ago, I had a dream Uncle Bill died, and then yesterday, I had a dream Aunt Joy died. His dad said, "that's just a coincidence." The next morning he tells his dad, "I had a dream that my dad died." His dad was terrified. He had the worst day at work and took every precaution. He didn't eat any of the food in case of food poisoning, and he drove slowly in case of a car wreck. When he finally got home, Little Johnny's mom asks him how his day at work was. "Much more horrible than your day I'm sure," his dad replied. "I don't know," said his mom, "The milkman dropped dead on the front porch today!
Little Johnny, on a day when he was being particularly reckless, was playing in the backyard one morning. Soon, some honeybees started swirling around, annoying little Johnny. He began stomping on them in his temper. His father caught him trampling the honeybees, and after a brief moment of thought said, "That's it! No honey for you for one month!" Later that afternoon, Johnny pondered upon some butterflies, and soon started catching them and crushing them under his feet. His father again caught him, and after a brief moment of thought, said, "No butter for you for one month!" Early that evening, Johnny's mother was cooking dinner, and got jumpy when cockroaches started scurrying around the kitchen floor. She began stomping on them one by one until all the cockroaches were dead. Johnny's mother looked up to find Johnny and his father standing there watching her, to which Johnny said, "Are you going to tell her, daddy, or do you want me to?"
nce johnny walked in on his dad and he was drinking a beer johnny said can i have some and the dad said can your wee wee touch your ass and the kid said no and then he couldn't, later his dad was smoking and he said can i have some and the dad said can your wee wee touch your ass and then he couldn't later his mom baked some cookies and his dad said can i have one and johnny said can your wee wee touck your ass and the dad said yeah and johnny said then go CENSORED yourself these are my cookies.
OK thats all for now don't wanna take all of them
One day Little Johnny came home from school and asked his mom what they were having for dinner.She said that it was a surprise and him and his brother would have to guess what it is after they try it.Well dinner time came and they started eating it,but they couldn't figure out what it was.So Little Johnny asked his mom for a hint.She said,"Okay,I'll give you a hint.I call your father this."Little Johnny said to his brother,"Quick Bobby, spit it out,its CENSORED!"
Little Johnny was starting his first day at a new school and his father called the teacher to tell her that little Johnny was a big gambler. She said that it was no problem and she has seen worse than that. After Little Johnny's first day at his new school his father called the teacher to see how it went. She said, "I think I broke his gambling". The father asked how and she said, "He bet me $5.00 that I had a mole on my butt, so I pulled down my pants and won his money." "DAMN!" said the father. "What's wrong?", the teacher asked. Little Johnny's father said, "This morning he bet me $100.00 he would see his teacher's butt before the day was over!"
One night, Little Johnny went to sleep and dreamt his Uncle Bill died. He woke up and that evening, his dad got a call saying that Uncle Bill died. The next night, Little Johnny went to sleep and dreamt his Aunt Joy died. He woke up, and then that evening, his dad got a call saying that Aunt Joy died. He told his daddy, "Two days ago, I had a dream Uncle Bill died, and then yesterday, I had a dream Aunt Joy died. His dad said, "that's just a coincidence." The next morning he tells his dad, "I had a dream that my dad died." His dad was terrified. He had the worst day at work and took every precaution. He didn't eat any of the food in case of food poisoning, and he drove slowly in case of a car wreck. When he finally got home, Little Johnny's mom asks him how his day at work was. "Much more horrible than your day I'm sure," his dad replied. "I don't know," said his mom, "The milkman dropped dead on the front porch today!
Little Johnny, on a day when he was being particularly reckless, was playing in the backyard one morning. Soon, some honeybees started swirling around, annoying little Johnny. He began stomping on them in his temper. His father caught him trampling the honeybees, and after a brief moment of thought said, "That's it! No honey for you for one month!" Later that afternoon, Johnny pondered upon some butterflies, and soon started catching them and crushing them under his feet. His father again caught him, and after a brief moment of thought, said, "No butter for you for one month!" Early that evening, Johnny's mother was cooking dinner, and got jumpy when cockroaches started scurrying around the kitchen floor. She began stomping on them one by one until all the cockroaches were dead. Johnny's mother looked up to find Johnny and his father standing there watching her, to which Johnny said, "Are you going to tell her, daddy, or do you want me to?"
nce johnny walked in on his dad and he was drinking a beer johnny said can i have some and the dad said can your wee wee touch your ass and the kid said no and then he couldn't, later his dad was smoking and he said can i have some and the dad said can your wee wee touch your ass and then he couldn't later his mom baked some cookies and his dad said can i have one and johnny said can your wee wee touck your ass and the dad said yeah and johnny said then go CENSORED yourself these are my cookies.
OK thats all for now don't wanna take all of them
<img src="http://i28.tinypic.com/23m2eea.jpg">
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ADF-Rule303
- ADF Member
- Posts: 33
- Joined: Sun Nov 26, 2006 11:00 pm
Ye this one aint a little johny one, but its pretty funny newayz..
A lady walked into a grocery store and purchased
1 onion
1 egg
1 cup
1 plate
1 ice block
1 yohgurt
1 pizza
1 tomato
1 potato
and 1 celery stick, when she approached the check out the cashier asked her 'Are you single?" The lady replied: "how did you know?"
to this the cahsier replied "becaus e your CENSORED ugly!"
A lady walked into a grocery store and purchased
1 onion
1 egg
1 cup
1 plate
1 ice block
1 yohgurt
1 pizza
1 tomato
1 potato
and 1 celery stick, when she approached the check out the cashier asked her 'Are you single?" The lady replied: "how did you know?"
to this the cahsier replied "becaus e your CENSORED ugly!"