australia day

[ADF-DELTA]

happy australia day here are some jokes i think some up aussies nicely.

Sheila didn't come home one night. When Bruce asked her where she'd been she said she spent the night at a girl friend's house. Bruce was a bit suspicious she'd been rooting around so rang her ten closest friends, but none of them had seen her.
Next week Bruce didn't come home one night. Sheila asks him where the hell he'd been. Bruce says he got a bit drunk at a mate's place and thought it was safer not to drive and crash out there. Sheila thinks he's been rooting around so rings his ten best mates. Eight of them say he spent the night there and two claim he's still there




Not long before he became Prime Minister of Australia, Bob Hawke told this joke to 700 people at a Melbourne dinner function;

The Indian PM Indira Gandhi was looking for a way to divert attention from the political and economical mess of her government and one of her staff suggested a national lottery. The idea was accepted, the lottery was organized and the whole of India bought tickets in the hope of winning one of the three mystery prizes.
The draw was done in a large stadium, watched by millions of people. First the third prize was drawn; a first class ticket around the world on Air India, the winner was pretty happy with this. Then the second prize was drawn; a fruit cake. The winner was not happy, he complained that the third prize was better, and normally one would expect the second to be larger than the third.
The compere explains; oh, but this is a special fruit cake, it was baked by Mrs. Gandhi! To which the winner replies; F%#*! Mrs. Gandhi! The compere; oh no, that is first prize!
The Indian High Commission was not impressed


What is the Australian animal that most resembles the Australian male? The wombat, because he eats, roots(,) and leaves

Two blokes bump into eachother in the supermarket. Sorry mate, says the first one, I am a bit nervous, I lost my wife, can't find her anywhere. Second bloke replies; gee, I can't find mine either, how about we go and look for them together? Sure, says the first one, what does you wife look like? Eh well, she's blonde, long hair, tall slim body, well tanned, large breasts and she's wearing a tight fitting low cut black dress. What does your wife look like? Forget about my wife, says the other bloke, let's go and look for yours!

Sheila wants an all over suntan but is not quite sure how to ho about it so she says to Bruce; you reckon I should go sunbathing in the nuddy in the backyard? Yeah, no worries, says Bruce, go fot it. But what if the neighbours see me naked, what will they think? Bruce; that I married you for your money.....

25 Reasons why beer is better than women

1 - You can enjoy a beer all month long

2 - Beer stains wash out

3 - You don't have to wine and dine a beer

4 - Your beer will always wait patiently for you in the car while you play football

5 - When your beer goes flat you toss it out and get another one

6 - Beer is never late

7 - A beer doesn't get jealous when you grab another beer

8 - Hangovers go away

9 - Beer labels come off without a fight

10 - When you go to a bar you know you can always pick up a beer

11 - Beer never has a headache

12 - After you're finished with a beer the bottle is still worth five cents

13 - A beer won't get upset if you come home with another beer

14 - If you pour a beer right you'll always get good head

16 - A beer always goes down easy

17 - You can always share a beer with friends

18 - You know you're always the first one to pop a beer

19 - Beer is always wet

20 - Beer doesn't demand equality

21 - You can have a beer in public

22 - A beer doesn't care what time you come home

23 - A frigid beer is a good beer

24 - You don't have to wash a beer before it tastes good

25 - If you change beers you don't have to pay maintenance

An Aussie, a little man, was sitting at a bar in Sydney when this huge, burly American guy walks in. As he passes the Aussie, he hits him on the neck knocking him to the floor.The big, burly Yank says,"That's a karate chop from Korea." Well, the Aussie gets back on his barstool and resumes drinking his beer.
The burly Yank then gets up to go to the bathroom and, as he walks by the Aussie, he hits him on the other side of the neck and knocks him to the floor."That's a judo chop from Japan", he says.
The Aussie decides he's had enough and leaves.A half hour later he comes back and sees the burly Yank bastard sitting at the bar. He walks up behind him and smacks him on the head, nocking
him out.
The Aussie says to the bartender, "When he wakes up mate, tell him that was a f*ckin' crowbar from Bunnings."

[ADF-DELTA]

post anything ya want here some more jokes would be nice HAPPY AUSTRALIA DAY.

[Cage]

HOOAH DELTA

[ADF-CaptCC]

 [smilie=laugh[2].gif]  [smilie=laugh[2].gif] HAHAH  [smilie=laugh[2].gif]  [smilie=laugh[2].gif]

Now I know way you dont get ,,, some.....
""25 Reasons why beer is better than women ""

Women like to think there close to you and you respect them.....Doen't mean  its going to help..but every bit 's going to make a difference ..especially looking like you do..  [smilie=evillol.sml[1].gif]
Hence thats why.."""Bruce was a bit suspicious she'd been rooting""'''
jks  ok m8...poor aussie's picking on them women fock' ..even to-day..

Poor old PM Indira Gandhi, even gets a montion...

Mind you the misses might agree with ...our thoughts on the male...
""What is the Australian animal that most resembles the Australian male? The wombat, because he eats, roots(,) and leaves ""

Mind you i did like this one...
""The Aussie says to the bartender, "When he wakes up mate, tell him that was a f*ckin' crowbar from Bunnings."""

In CANADA ,,  we use a Brick...hahah
Or anything else we can find , thats nice and ** soft **..
[smilie=halm[1].gif]
HAPPY AUSSIE DAY >> MY ADF BROTHERS & SISTERS

 [smilie=multiplespotting[1].gif]

[ADF-Deano]

Here is some rules we wish women knew......

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

2. Learn to work the toilet seat; if it's up, put it down.

3. Don't cut your hair, ever.

4. Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.

5. Get rid of your cat.

6. Sunday = Sports.

7. Anything you wear is fine, really.

8. Women wearing Wonder bras and low cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.

9. You have too many shoes.

10. Crying is blackmail.

11. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.

12. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.

13. Yes, pissing standing up is more difficult that peeing from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.

14. Yes, and no are perfectly acceptable answers.

15. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

16. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.

17. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.

18. If you don't dress like the Victoria Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

19. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, then we meant the other one.

20. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?

21. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to appear.

22. You can either ask us to do something OR tell how you want it done-not both.

23. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.

24. You have enough clothes.

25. Nothing says "I love you" like sex.


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[ADF-Cable]

Lol Deano.....

[ADF-Medic]

 [smilie=laugh[2].gif] Yeh that just about sums it up m8  [smilie=laugh[2].gif]

[MitcH]

hahah send a copy to every woman on earth lol

[ADF-Cheech]

 [smilie=laugh[2].gif]  [smilie=laugh[2].gif]
HAPPY AUSTRALIA DAY EV1  [smilie=laugh[2].gif]  [smilie=laugh[2].gif]  [smilie=laugh[2].gif]

[ADF-Shaggs]

That was a good australia day, i wore my Aussie flag shirt with the words "support it or CENSORED off", polished off half a carton of beer, a carton of UDL's and 3 bottles of wine and i real cuban cigar one of the boys brought back from dubai.

[ADF-CaptCC]

DEANO;
ioi 3. Don't cut your hair, ever.

What there a minute M8,, i like certain bits, nice and closely shaved

ioi 10. Crying is blackmail.

Well, it aways makes me give her "More"...but that's easy

ioi 18. If you don't dress like the Victoria Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys

Sorry Man , shes not going to get it from me, even with my long hair, thats for certain...its not a REAL man  anyhoo

ioi 21. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to appear.

Well Deano; this might be something you need to work on,, not her M8... its called Staying Power  [smilie=halm[1].gif]

 CHUCKY  [smilie=bowdown[1].gif]

[Cecil]

haha spot on, delta and deano

happy australia day fellow team members. hope your day was as eventful as mine haha ----->



that was most of what me and 3 other mates had. and some fell off the railing haha.

tried getting into a few clubs later on that night, and it didnt work.......hahaha

peace out.